Happy Thanksgiving!

Today was a special day. I finally took the advise of my friend Heather and went to the gym early this morning. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am NOT a morning person! This was a difficult feat, but I thank my friend Ebony for agreeing to go with me. We went late last night and after going again this morning, I must admit, I am now at work and I really feel great. I do hope that I can keep it up. I would prefer going in the morning and not worry about going after a long day at work.

This thanksgiving, in addition to being thankful for my family and friends, my home and my job, I am thankful for the weight I've lost this year and the journey that I am traveling. I am thankful for all of you who constantly show your support for what I am trying to accomplish.

I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I will do my best to be good, but no promises, after all Gordon is cooking Thanksgiving Dinner this year!

Be blessed.

The Winter Whites!

I am so excited today! Allow me to explain. About two years ago, I purchased a beautiful pair of winter white cropped pants. When I purchased them, the pants were three sizes too small for me, but I purchased them because they were marked down from $40.00 to $6.99 and they were of good quality. I already had similar ones in black and I really liked how they fit me, although those black pants are now threes sizes too big for me and I had to have them taken in recently. When I purchased the winter whites I said, "one day I will fit them", and never really gave much more thought to it. However, since starting this "new lifestyle", I've used those pants as a gauge to determine how much my body has changed with the weight loss.

At first I could not get the pants past my thighs; then once I got them past my thighs I couldn't get them over my rear end. As time passed by and I started to drop the weight, I got the pants over my behind, but I couldn't close them. About three weeks ago, I tried the pants on again and I got them up, closed them and decided, they were just too tight to wear in public, so instead of hanging them back up I threw them down in my closet on a pile of clothes that just don't fit me anymore. I must admit, it was a wee bit discouraging and a testament to how long I felt like this journey was taking.

Well, today, I put the pants on, zippered and buttoned them up and wore them to work! I really cannot believe that I have them on! It's absolutely amazing and I feel great! It really opened my eyes and allowed me to measure my success.

My next goal is to lose 12 pounds by Christmas. I now know that I can do it!

New Goal: Lose 12 pounds by Christmas Eve!

My new goal is to lose 12 pounds by Christmas Eve, that's 2 pounds a week.

Ready, set, go!

25 Pounds!!!

On August 13, 2009, I wrote....."Therefore, I have decided to make my weight loss goals, smaller more realistic ones. Since it seems so impossible to lose 100 pounds (at the rate I am going); I have resolved to losing 25 pounds by Novemeber 7th - that's 3 months. That seems more attainable!"

I am happy to report that I went to the gym tonight, November 9, 2009 and I have reached my goal! I was successful at losing 25 pounds!

It is very encouraging and I am well on my way. Its been a very slow journey, but I guess it took a long time to put it on, so it will take a long time to take it off.

No News is Good News

It's been rough, but I haven't quit. In addition, I've been busy and haven't really had the urge to write, neither have I felt inspired to write. I am actually going back to the gym tonight, haven't been in 2 weeks (since I was out of the country on business). I actually took my gym clothes and sneakers to Canada with me with all intentions of working out, but my days and evenings were jam packed!

I am, however, still getting compliments on how well my clothes are fitting me. The good news is my cousin Stefany so graciously took in about 15 pairs of pants for me at least by one size...so I know there's been some progress, its just been really slow!

I haven't reverted totally back to my old self, although I probably had one too many pieces of baked chicken yesterday at dinner! Gosh, its hard when your husband's a great cook!

I've been successful at laying off of the rice, the bread, the soda and McDonald's french fries for 125 days now. Although I have not been as strict as I was in the beginning, the one thing I can say is that I make better choices when I go out to eat or chose food at the grocery store.

However, I must confess, I did have a bagel with cream cheese and lox while in Canada. I almost lost my mind when I saw it and I couldn't walk away, although I did try...a few times! It was being offered for "free" for all conference attendees and I just couldn't resist. I was careful not to eat too much more that day, so I guess it wasn't that bad....or so I'd like to think!

Anyway, that's it for now....hopefully, I'll have some really GREAT news for you next time I log in! Please continue to send the encouraging emails...its hard out here alone!

I am really starting to see a BIG difference in how my clothing fits me. As I dig into old plastic containers in the back of my closet and in my garage, I am amazed at how I am able to bring back some old, but still fashionable and stylish clothing! There are even certain pieces that were previously too tight, that at the beginning of My Journey finally fit, that are now loosening up! Ring the alarm, this is exciting news!!!

So here’s a little update…..Last night at the gym, I tried a new elliptical machine. Last week when I first tried it, it was so hard, I could only manage to do one minute on it, and even that was killing me. Last night, I was able to do three minutes! I am so proud of myself. For those of you who may not know, an elliptical machine is a stationary exercise machine used to simulate walking or running without causing excessive pressure to the joints, hence decreasing the risk of impact injuries. It takes some getting used to, however it is a very difficult and intense workout. After about 2 minutes on it, I feel like I am about to pass out! However, I am not giving up, I am going to take my time and build up my stamina. Outside of my favorite exercise machine, the treadmill, I also lift weights using this machine that has two very thick ropes attached to a pulley that is attached to weights. I don’t know what it’s called, but I do know that I lift about 50-60 pounds, doing about 2 reps of 50 at a time. This machine works my arms, helping to reduce the size of my ‘unwanted, underarm wings’….where I am also starting to see some improvement. I never really realized the powerful impact of exercise, or the way weights actually tone your body. It was so foreign to me. I am so amazed.

As far as my eating habits are concerned, I am pretty comfortable where I am. I usually start the day with a piece of fruit and some coffee. By the time I get to work, I have two hard boiled eggs. Half way between the hard boiled eggs and lunch, I usually have either string cheese or yogurt. For lunch, it’s the regular, spinach and chicken, unless I get really creative and have cabbage and chicken! A few hours later, just before I leave the office for the day, I’ll have some more string cheese, or a yogurt or sometimes 10 Baked Lays potato chips. My challenge is the time between leaving the office, going to the gym on potentially an empty stomach and my last meal being around 9 or 9:30 after getting home from the gym. Any suggestions? I certainly welcome your thoughts.

Well, that’s it for today. As always, I ask you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Also, please keep the feedback, encouragement and words of wisdom coming…I thrive off of it!

Stay tuned….there’s more to come…..as I move forward on, My Journey.

Sixteen Pounds!

WOW! I lost sixteen pounds and I am not trying to find them! I feel great! I have more energy now than I've had in years. I am starting to wear clothing that I put away and haven't been able to wear in more than 5 years. I feel better about myself and I am starting to like what I look like in pictures. I stopped taking pictures about two years ago, in fact for a long time, people would always ask me, "Does Madison have a Mommy?", because I would never take a picture with her or if I did, I just thought I looked fat and I would keep the picture to myself. I would always take pictures of Madison with her daddy because, well, he is just handsome and photographs better...and he doesn't look FAT! When I did take pictures, I'd crop them and doctor them up and still, I was NEVER satisfied. My face was always too fat and there wasn't enough cropping to cover up my triple chins! Even when I started this blog about my struggle with weight loss, I was too embarrassed to post a picture of myself. Well, today I am posting a picture because I am proud of how far I've come in My Journey. I am not where I want to be, however I am not where I used to be and to me, that's progress! I am sixteen pounds closer to where I plan to be! Eventually, I'll post my "before picture", when I've lost enough weight and I don't feel that embarrassed about it!

I took this picture today using my Blackberry camera phone, so it may not be as clear, but what is clear is that my face isn't as swollen and my chins are slowly disappearing! Another fun fact is that I am loving the direction my hair is going too! My curls are growing and they are so much more defined. I cut my hair last August and it seems like it's taken an eternity to grow back, however I see such a big difference in length especially since my trip to San Diego in January! Initially I cut all of my hair off because I wanted to grow my natural hair free from all chemicals (straighteners and such). At first, I regretted ever cutting it, but now, I am loving it! It goes right along with my weight loss journey and I am confident that by the time I lose the weight, my hair will be right where I want it to be as well!

I am so proud of myself for losing 16 pounds so far! It's taken longer than I expected, but it's MY PROGRESS and it's MY JOURNEY!!! As long as I am sticking to it, I am ok with it! Stay tuned and please keep the feedback and encouragement coming...I thrive off of it and it keeps me on track!

Where was I?

Its been a month since I've written anything here. Its been a while since I've truly felt inspired. Where did it all go wrong? When did the discouragement start? What was the cause? I think I've narrowed it down to two things....

After I found out that I lost 12.5 pounds, I was so encouraged. I went as far as to hook up with a trainer at the YMCA. When he told me that I shouldn't be doing the treadmill, I lost my fervor. It was the one thing that I looked forward to in going to the gym. It was my ME time. I would read while on the treadmill. In fact, I am on my second book since the beginning of August. I became so discouraged and it was harder and harder to get to the gym. With that of course came the stagnation of the weight loss. Obviously, I wouldn't lose anything if I wasn't working out! Thank God I wasn't cheating with my eating, but I found every excuse in the book not to go to the gym, until someone said to me....if reading on the treadmill gets you to the gym....read on the treadmill!

So, with that said....I am back in the gym! I read on the treadmill, then I do all of the 'stuff' that the trainer says I must do!

Feeling Encouraged!

Yesterday I went to the doctor for a follow up appointment. I was ecstatic when the nurse weighed me and had to keep pushing the nob on the scale to the left! I lost 12.5 pounds since the last time I was there on July 15th! That's wonderful encouraging news, especially because I've been feeling quite discouraged lately with this weight loss and exercise regimen that I've been on!

Therefore, I have decided to make my weight loss goals, smaller more realistic ones. Since it seems so impossible to lose 100 pounds (at the rate I am going); I have resolved to losing 25 pounds by Novemeber 7th - that's 3 months. That seems more attainable!

So I need your help. I need your encouragement! Send those emails! Fill me in on what you're doing and how it works for you. What are your goals? What are you doing to achieve them?

Thanks for your support, family! Stay tuned in.....more to come!

Four Pounds!

I am four pounds lighter and I am so proud of myself! I've been working out for the past two weeks and I've lost an average of 2 pounds per week. For the past 42 days I've been eating fruits, vegetables, lots of protein and drinking water. Cutting the carbs out of my diet has not only helped me to lose weight, but also to have a higher level of energy. For the first time in a long time, and without thinking about it, I bent over and tied my laces at the gym! This is something that most of you may take for granted; to me it was an accomplishment!

I must mention that I went to purchase a blouse last week and I had to purchase a smaller size that I normally do...that felt good! Even the sales associate said that the blouse I wore in to the stire was too big! Go me!!! :)

FYI...I have decided against doing the "Rapid Weight Loss Program" that I mentioned in a previous post. I am going to take my time and do it nice and slow.

Please keep the notes, emails and comments coming. It's very encouraging for me. For the most part, the feedback that I've gotten has been very positive and uplifting. Believe it or not your positive vibes gives me energy. Those days when I am tired after a long day at work and I don't feel like going to the gym, your words of encouragement ring in my ear and give me the push that I need to get there and workout!

Two Pounds

Today was a good day. I snacked on 'strawbellies', as Madison calls them and grapes. I had left over curry chicken with spinach for lunch and enjoyed a low fat, low calorie strawberry yogurt for dessert. I drank only three bottles of water today and have to figure out a way to make it more convenient to drink more throughout the day. After work I went to the gym again (I went last night too) and to my surprise I stayed on the treadmill for 60 minutes! WOW! I started reading an excerpt to a very interesting book that I am trying out for the book club session that I will be hosting soon with a few girlfriends. The excerpt contained only two chapters. It was so interesting. If I had the whole book, I probably would have stayed on the treadmill until I finished it. I really am proud of myself. I've been working out for a week and a half now and I've already lost 2 pounds! When I got home, Gordon made a Cedar Plank Salmon on the charcoal grill with, guess what, spinach sauteed in garlic. I eat a lot of spinach don't I? I am hoping for some popeye muscles! :)

Tomorrow I plan to visit a medically supervised weight loss center to determine whether or not I want a little jumpstart in My Journey. The weightloss center's website is http://www.garciaweightloss.com/ Check it out and tell me what you think, I'd love to hear what you have to say. The plan will consist of B12 injections on a weeekly basis, vitamins, and appetite suppressants. I'll let you know how it goes. I am excited. It has worked wonderfully for two women I know.

Before I sign off and go to bed, I really thank all of you who have left me emails and messages of encouragement and support. It is overwhelming the love that I am getting from my friends and family. I am inspired when I am told that I am an inspiration! Thank you very much for all of your support!

Stay tuned for more on, "My Journey".

In the meantime...

I know that there is more that you want to hear and I've left out some important details about who inspired me to take the first step and who has actually been holding my hand...that will come. I've got to be inspired to write the way I did in my first entry.

However, 'in the meantime', I'll fill you in on what I've been doing.

For the first time in my life, I actually enjoy and look forward to going to the gym. This past week alone I've gone almost every night with the exception of Thursday night. I go after work, spend at least 45 minutes on the treadmill non stop and then I leave. On Thursday I got together with a few girl friends at my favorite restaurant, GrillSmith. They ordered like 4 or 5 different appetizers, all my favorites and of course items that I just can't do right now. I was so proud of myself when I didnt even taste a thing! It wasnt even hard to do. I have made up my mind that there are certain things that I just cant eat right now and that's it! If I do, I will never reach my goal and that is not acceptable. Its a simple equation.

Last night, Gordon and I went to the movies. We saw, "The Taking of Pelham 123," good movie, by the way. For the very first time in my life I did NOT have any popcorn at the movies. The other thing I am proud of is that when I have been to the movies in the past, I am the person in front of you on line that you complain is taking to much time because I make them put the butter on the bottom, middle and top of the popcorn. Yes, in layers. So when I didnt have any popcorn at all...that was progress, my friends!

Stay tuned....more to come...

Thirty Days!

Today is the 30th day of "My Journey" and the 1st day of this blog. I didn't want to go public, until I had enough confidence in myself to do so. I haven't even told my best friends about this quest. So far, I've only shared My Journey with 4 1/2 people, my immediate family (Mom, Husband and 2 year old daughter) and two close co-workers. Trying to lose weight has been an uphill battle for most of my life. I've been on and off of most diets for the past 12 years. I've started and stopped and started again. I've had "gym partners", "personal trainers" and "cheerleaders". I've made the declaration many of times saying, 'I am on a diet and I am going to lose weight' and then I've had to embarrassingly eat my words (no pun intended).

Growing up in the Bronx, I've always been self conscious about style, fashion and of course my body. Being a BIG girl for most of my life, I've never really been satisfied with my weight, neither have I ever been careful about what I eat. You've heard it before, 'your body is God's temple, so take care of it'. Well, even though I consider myself to have a pretty tight relationship with the Lord, I've never taken the time to take care of my temple. Although I am a pretty confident chick, I've battled for many years with my self esteem, all of my issues are weight related and have to do with how I felt about myself; but mostly my issues were about what I thought other people thought about me - because of my weight.

I moved to Florida in September 2000. Upon my arrival, I purchased a bike, a gym membership and I was on a mission to get myself in shape. This was a new life, with new people - who didn't know the 'me' before, therefore couldn't judge me on what was. I spent lots of time in the evenings and on the weekends working out, riding my bike and walking around my new, beautiful, well manicured neighborhood. Needless to say that was a short lived mission once I got married in October 2001! With meeting the man of my dreams, living in total bliss, becoming a wife and not to mention he's a great cook, the "get in shape mission" slowly dwindled.

Fast forward five years to 2006. The same month I was scheduled to take the LSAT I instead celebrated becoming pregnant and mourned my grandmother's death. That year I struggled through the pregnancy, gave birth to a miracle child and ultimately gave up on myself! After putting on an additional 36 pounds during the last stages of my pregnancy, I gave up even trying. I was now a mother with a new focus and made no time for 'me'. I convinced myself that this was my life and I was born to be this way. If I was going down, I decided that I might as well enjoy the ride.

Enjoy the ride I did, adding about 40 extra pounds in the last three years! Eating anything, anytime, anywhere without even a thought. Accepting my demise - suffering silently.

In October 2007, I started working for a restaurant chain. Being a paralegal by trade it was natural for me to manage the legal function at the corporate office. Of course the perks, parties and discounts that come along with a position like this did not help my weakness. Fortunately for me, the 50 or so people that I work with are all health conscious, watching what they eat and watching their weight, and that struck a cord with me. Here I was the only overweight female in this office, and I wasn't even trying to make a difference in my own life. All of the women in the office were slim and beautiful and even though I smiled often I was suffering inside. I struggled. I struggled. I struggled. I went through phases of hating myself to phases of I just don't care about myself.

Then on June 19, 2009 my Mother's very close friend died suddenly. No one expected it and it came as a shock to us all. She was a very intelligent, loving, caring, generous woman; however, she too was over weight. Her death was a wake up call for me. She died on Friday. I died on Monday. I died to my old self and my old ways. I died to my deceptive thoughts. I died to the self hatred. I died to the self destruction. I died to that silent struggle. I died to myself.

On Monday, June 22nd I finally made up my mind that this was it! I chose to live. I conjured up what little confidence and courage I had left and I made the decision to take control of my life for good and it's been the best feeling I've ever had. For the past 30 days, I've been eating right. I've given up soda, bread, rice, pasta, sugar and Mc Donald's French Fries! I've been drinking a lot of water and eating a lot of chicken, fish, vegetables and fruit. This past weekend I reinstated my membership at the YMCA and I've been working out everyday for 45 minutes a day. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am in control of my life.

It's not over, in fact My Journey has just begun. It's only been thirty days. However I've heard it said before that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit. I am believing that saying will remain true for me.

Stay tuned for more as I document, "My Journey".